Protecting Against the “Evil” Pinch

Yes it is THAT day again.  I can remember those years in my early elementary years if I had forgotten to specifically wear green.  Yep, those were days I had to run the gauntlet of the pinches from the other children.  Many of them not satisfied unless they left a painful mark on you.  It was almost like a Scarlett Letter being placed upon you for forgetting the holiday.  As a father, I have dedicated my life to make sure that my own children do not suffer the same fate.  Okay, well maybe not my entire life.  After all we are just talking about one day here.  That being said, perhaps I could enlist some help on this protective duty.

The Green Lantern

Sure, this would be a perfect guy to help me out in my quest to keep my children safe from the evil clutches of the pinchers.   The man understands the seriousness of the situation by attiring in all green.  Shoot even his powers are green.   Yes by his own oath he would have to offer help to those in need.

In brightest day, in blackest night,
No evil shall escape my sight

Let those who worship evil’s might,

Beware my power… Green Lantern’s light!

Hmm, it seems that he might be a bit busy though.  He is an interstellar police officer after all.  While my own children are my world, there are greater goods to handle in the universe right?  Who else could do the job?  

The Incredible Hulk

Now here is THE ultimate green guy.  He is strong.  He is powerful.  There just isn’t much he cannot handle.  The guy is huge and intimidating.  He would be the perfect protector against the evils of the pinchers.  There is just a couple of problems though.  He is unreliable.  After all, his alter-ego Bruce Banner is a globe-trotting guy.  Additionally, Dr. Banner needs to get angry to unleash the big green dude.  That also brings up that he is, in a word, mean.  I think that this guy would just be a bit of overkill to the situation at hand.  Who else could I enlist to offer protection to my children?

Mr. Spock

Yes, the bastion of logic himself.  Did you know that his blood is copper-based instead of iron-based like ours?  Why is this important you might ask?  Well that makes his blood have a green tint to it and not our familiar red.  Yes this makes him genetically equipped automatically to handle the day that is dedicated to St. Patrick.  However, unlike our big green friend above, he was born this way, and has a better demeanor.  Mr. Spock is a very intelligent man.  He is also very skilled in all sorts of defensive combat.  That would make him quite capable of protecting my children from the pinchers that lurk everywhere.  I could see him doing his famous neck pinch on any would be attacker.

Of course, were Mr. Spock available, he would likely say that this type of protection was hardly necessary, and illogical.  He would say that by simply wearing some green all of this worry about the evils of the “pinch” could be avoided.  Looks like I am going digging for some green clothes today.

Three children properly armored for the day…check.

Myself appropriately attired to avoid combat with all those little pseudo-blarney-green scanning-pinch happy-hard drinking-corned beef loving-green food altering celebrators of St. Patrick‘s Day…check

Happy St. Patrick’s Day Everyone!


About Mike Lemons
I'm a guy in his 40's who has been bumming around the net for years. I am married to a wonderful woman, and have 3 gorgeous kids.

5 Responses to Protecting Against the “Evil” Pinch

  1. jamieonline says:

    Thanks for the link (in the related articles). Have a happy pat day.

    • Mike Lemons says:

      Anytime…you have good stuff there 🙂 Thanks for the well wishes and enjoy a bit ‘o the green yourself 😉

  2. vakkermom says:

    The whole pinching thing annoyed me SO MUCH in elementary school. I’m glad we eventually grow out of that… (And yes, I did know about Spock’s blood. I’m a trekkie, I admit it…)

  3. Patti says:

    Kids at my daughter’s school have been warned off with the threat of detention if there is any pinching reported. My girl is safely attired in a bright green sweater and is toting a shamrock balloon attached to her backpack just in case.

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