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Hard-Learned Truths in the Adult World

As I have crossed into my forties, I have found a need to share some of the wisdom I have gained with others.  Here are some of those little nuggets of knowledge.

1.  I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2.  Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.  (and this happens to me frequently, just ask my wife)

3.  I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4.  There is a great need for a sarcasm font

5.  How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6.  Was learning cursive really necessary?

7.  Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5.  I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8.  Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9.  I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10.  Bad decisions make good stories (shoot this blog is full of those).

11.  You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12.  Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray?  I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

13.  I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14.  “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – EVER.

15.  I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? **** it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail.  What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16.  I hate leaving the house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day.  What a waste.

17.  I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18.  I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19.  I disagree with Kay Jewelers.  I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20.  I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

21.  Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize that I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22.  I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23.  I will get a constant stream of red lights whenever I need to be somewhere in a hurry.

24.  I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25.  How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

26.  I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.  Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27.  Shirts get dirty.  Underwear gets dirty.  Pants?  Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28.  There is no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

29.  Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

30.  Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my *** everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

31.  The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Alright ladies…Quit laughing!

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About Mike Lemons
I'm a guy in his 40's who has been bumming around the net for years. I am married to a wonderful woman, and have 3 gorgeous kids.

4 Responses to Hard-Learned Truths in the Adult World

  1. Patti says:

    Great list, Mike! And if you really want to learn how to fold a fitted sheet, give my mom a visit – her ability to fold them into neat, flat rectangles is uncanny. Personally, I find rolling them up in a ball works best – or better yet, just wash them and put them back on the bed.

  2. vakkermom says:

    OH man, Mike…I read this at work and at more than one point I was covering my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. This is AWESOME. And I need to visit Patti’s mom, too. I HATE fitted sheets. Oh, and I do the 10 bags in hand grocery thing, too. Why make more trips than necessary?!? I love this list.

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