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If You Are 30 or Older…

Today is my son’s sixth birthday.  I thought it would be fun to share some of my sage wisdom with any of you that are under the age of 30.

… You Might Think This is Hilarious!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning…. Uphill…. Barefoot… BOTH ways…yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!

But now that I’m over the ripe old age of thirty +, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don’t know how good you’ve got it!

1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

2) There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter – with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were expensive

3) Police and social workers didn’t care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

4) There were no MP3’s or Napster or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We’d play our favorite tape and “eject” it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that’s how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

6) We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that’s it!

7) There weren’t any freakin’ mobile phones either. If you left the house, you just didn’t make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your “friends”. OH MY GOSH !!! Think of the horror… not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there’s TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

8 ) And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent…. you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

9) We didn’t have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘Asteroids’… Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen.. Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were out of luck when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what’s the world coming to?!?!

11) There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I’m saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little people!

12) And we didn’t have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the oven! Imagine that!

13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play… all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside… you were doing chores!

14) And car seats – oh, please! Mom tossed you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the “safety arm” across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling “shot-gun” in the first place!

See! That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have it too easy. You’re spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1970 or any time before!

Regards,
The Over 30 Crowd

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About Mike Lemons
I'm a guy in his 40's who has been bumming around the net for years. I am married to a wonderful woman, and have 3 gorgeous kids.

5 Responses to If You Are 30 or Older…

  1. We still have that Atari 2600. I kick tail at Space Invaders, and Combat on “ricochet” setting makes me laugh until I wet my pants. I may have just overshared.

  2. The one thing that doesn’t ring true in my experience is the statement that “police and social workers didn’t care if our parents beat us.” I remember a lot of attention being paid to child abuse when I was a kid. Maybe it’s a regional thing, given that I live in a progressive area.

    I pretty much hated the 70s anyway. Who cares about age? I consider now my childhood!

  3. Ah, back in the day when if you wanted to be a hacker you had to know electronics and how to re-route a public push button telephone – not like kids these days that just copy a javascript hacker tool kit from a Russian website…

    Although I do feel a bit sorry for modern kids too – they can’t get up to nearly as much fun stuff as I used to. They just sit and get fat in front of an iPad while talking nonsense to other fat kids, also cocooned in cotton wool. Sure, the old way only gave you a 67% survival rate – but it was a lot more exciting, no?

  4. vakkermom says:

    First of all, stamps are still expensive. Lol! And secondly, you should read my post about things I’m sad my kids won’t get to experience (link below). And for the record, I’m not yet 30. Things change faster than you think.

    My Post: http://vakkermom.wordpress.com/2011/03/30/10-things-i-wish-my-kids-could-enjoy/

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